Thursday, March 4, 2010

Lacking affection or just crazy??

Little black dress, huh? Well, I don't own many of those. I was not blessed with the tall, thin, model-like figure that is the very stereotype of the "little black dress." The title, however, is befitting of me because of the meaning behind the woman in the little black dress. She stands tall, proud,and most of all...untouchable. People desire to be like her and have her confidence. Ask anyone and they will describe me that way. Wanna know a secret? I'm nothing like that. I have low self-esteem, which may never change and I also get hurt easily. When you open up and let people know you have a heart, well it becomes easy for them to hurt you. The other way, they work for your affection. Only the deserving recieve it. Anyway, I have never attracted affectionate men. EVER! All men see in me is sex and anything and everything having to do with the damn word. I'm not sure what kind of vibe this is they get from me, but the girl in the little black dress is supposed to be untouchable, not come off as easy. Here is where I may start to sound a little bit crazy, but here soon to be ex-husband recently adopted a cat for the kids and I really disliked this cat. His job requires him to be out of town, so I have to go check on the cat and make sure it is fed and I decided to stick around and play with the cat. The kids and I were there for quite awhile and I pet the cat, played with him, brushed his coat and set up a little rest area for him on my ex's bed (that may not go so well when he finds out! lol). When I left, I felt so bad for that cat, all alone in an apartment with no one to cuddle or play with. I sound like a crazy cat lady, but I have to wonder if this is just my hunger for affection messing with my head. Today, I went back to make sure his bowl was full and the cat did this funny thing with his tail that according to my ex, he does when he likes someone. He rubbed against my leg and purred because he wanted to be carried. In a VERY STRANGE way, I saw myself in the cat. I just want to be held, loved, cared for, and I want to feel like I matter. I wish I could go back and just hold the cat so he won't feel lonely anymore. I even have a picture I took of him as my desktop background. I feel really weird. I'm only 28 and I'm acting like the insane 70 year old woman who turns to her cats for affection because she's a widow and her kids are all grown. I met someone who is somewhat affectionate towards me. He is great. He makes me laugh, smile, giggle, and go to bed smiling. I wake up in the morning excited when I have a text from him because it means I was the first thing on his mind when he woke up. I'm hoping for good things to come and I hope I don't get my heart broken. Then hopefully...just maybe I won't have to turn to cats anymore to feel loved. :-/

1 comment:

  1. Yay, I'm your first follower!

    I'm with you, I love the affection animals give it's a warm feeling. I hope things work out for you!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog come back anytime! :)